Motherhood season

I don’t want accolades
or a standing ovation
I don’t want to be applauded to the very echo for being the best Mom but, Sometimes I ask myself if I’m doing it right
I ask myself if I’m not clutching you too tightly lest I squeeze you
I also ask myself if my grip is too firm because I don’t want you slipping away  from my hands

I ask myself if I have fed you well enough or you still want some more
I’m scared to move away to do other things in fear that you open one eye and find an empty spot beside you
I’m afraid to even blink because I don’t want to miss a moment

I want to see you smile in your slumber
I want to see your toothless gums as you yawn
I want to see your face change every day as it takes shape and form.
I want to support your little head bobbing up and down like a yoyo
I want to cuddle and hold you close to my chest when it’s cold
I want to see you snuggle down close under my warm chin and dream sweet, with your little hands clasped close around me all night long

I don’t mind you disarraying my clothes every hour on the hour or showing up in the worse state of dishabille
I also don’t mind that my countenance looks exhausted and my hair a bit frowsy
The toothless smiles fulfil me
And seeing my reflection in the widely opened eyes below the tiny raised eyebrows

In my fatigued state, my eyes lock with yours gazing intently at me out of curiosity and suddenly breaking into a cute smile, looking at your clueless mama with so much reliance on her
You finally fall asleep -I’m still tired but I can’t get my eyes off you as you sleep so soundly- I want to make sure it’s not a dream

Mommy doesn’t know what she is doing but be rest assured your fond Mama will always have you coddled